Trump Bans Late-Term Abortions: “Every Child is A Miracle of God”

We did it.

The absolute most important part of why we got Donald Trump elected has finally come: making sure that no more babies are going to be aborted. Or rather, murdered.

The reason is simple: babies are a sacred part of life. They are God’s little angels.

And killing them is wrong.

Trump has spent his entire presidency making sure that we are going to stop this travesty against the world and US citizens. He first did this by putting in two new Supreme Court justices to overturn Roe v. Wade. Now he is focusing his efforts onto challenging those laws with new laws.

The new laws make it illegal for anyone to get an abortion after 6 months. This is great news because babies have a heart beat after 6 weeks. But this isn’t the end. The goal is to outlaw all abortions and we need to start somewhere.

By making it illegal, Trump is only doing what we put him office to do: to help fix America of it’s moral problems. Isn’t it funny that such an immoral man in his personal life is the moral compass of our country? Truly demonstrates not to judge a book by its cover and to let the best and most talented person do the job.

Trump Fan Tom Brady Decides Not to Retire

Thomas Brady, coming off one of the greatest careers ever, has decided not to retire this season like many were expecting. The reason? Simple.

“If Trump isn’t gonna give up,” said Brady. “Then neither am I.”

Brady, commonly referred to as “The GOAT” has had a bit of an off year. For the first time in a while, he was defeated in the first round of the playoffs and was unable to reach the Super Bowl.

Many thought his coach, Bill Bellichick, might want to move on from him.

Not so.

Instead, Brady is getting a $30 million dollar contract this off-season to stay with the team. The team is deciding to keep him around for at least one more year to see if they can make another plug at a super bowl.

Brady, and his coach and owner at the Patriots, has been an outspoken advocate for the president. He was seen wearing a Make America Great Again hat and speaking glowingly about Trump.

His illegal immigrant wife, Gisele Bunchden, claims the Brady’s do not love our president but that is probably just sour grapes. Brady knows what’s best for his family and is allegedly teaching his children the right things.

“I instill a belief in God, sports and America in my children,” said Brady. But that doesn’t mean that’s the only focus. President Trump needs our help. I have always voted Republican but this is by far the best president we have ever had and I can’t stop beaming, smiling cheek to cheek with how much I love this guy. I’m absolutely giddy.”

Brady could not be reached for comment at this time. We will update later if that changes.